One of the hardest things to move on from are friends who hurt you. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. The older you get the more you have relationships that have been great and also a few that have left you hurting. Why does someone who claims to be a friend try and wound you? It’s always based on something that makes them feel superior somehow. It’s because of their issues. But while that might be the logical answer, it really doesn’t help when it comes to the hurt they leave you with.
Some of my previous friend hurts:
- The one who thinks giving me jabs over and over for years is a fun, cute, form of sarcasm.
- The one who makes fun of the fact that I met my husband online.
- The one who thinks their time is much more precious than mine (and expects me to show up for them but can’t be bothered to do the same for me).
- The one who takes the things I say and spreads gossip about me.
- The one who makes stuff up about me. Lying. Full stop.
- The one who left us to suffer alone during the times we needed friends the most.
Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve had friends like this and maybe you’ve been this type of friend for someone else. I find that most people lack the kind of self-awareness they need to even realize how they are behaving. (Or, they just don’t want to admit it.)
Before you can move on from a friendship, you’ll need to identify what is going on between you and a friend. Will you be able to recover? Or should you ask God to show you His desire for this relationship. God may want you to stick it out and He may want you to gently move away from the relationship.
Praying for the Friend Who Has Hurt You
Even if you move on from a friendship, the hurts these people leave can linger. That’s because you opened yourself up to them and they wounded you instead of valuing the friendship you brought to them. Never stop being open and trying to have good relationships! Don’t let clueless friends change you. Instead, forgive them and move on. First step? Ask God to help.
My go to prayer when I am feeling anything negative about another person is to say:
God, I’m feeling anger and hurt towards this person, and I know this is not how you want me to be. I need help with this. I’m not sure what else to do, but I ask you to show me how to release this negative stuff to you. I cannot do it alone and I do not want to spend my time harboring anger and resentment. Amen.
This prayer has been very effective for me. But it is just the first step. Next, acknowledge that God will take care of all the wrongs that someone does to you. What I mean is that we often want to see something happen that lets us know this thing our friend did to us will be made right in some way. Maybe we think the friend should suffer or have something similiar happen to them. But this is our idea of “justice” and God’s plan is always different (and better) than what we think.
So after you pray for this person who hurt you, next up is giving up your idea of what should happen to make this right. If you’ve got resentment, that takes up space (in your day, your mind, your heart) you can’t really appreciate the blessings. It is in your benefit to let go of the negative and focus on the good. Just allow God to heal your heart so you can enjoy the blessings He wants to give you.
As far as trying again, my husby often says I’m a glutton for it, and will try with people again and again, even as they blow me off, actively hurt me some more, or remain “mad” even though they are the ones that need to realize what they did and apologize. There is an acceptable boundary you need to be healthy, so if you feel like you’ve tried and can’t anymore, move on in the kindest way possible and ask God to help you both to forgive. Maybe the plan really is that you’re not meant to be friends with someone forever, or maybe it is that you’re meant to move on seperately for a bit before you come together again at some point.
Each situation is different so pray and most importantly, act like Christ in how you handle it. (A tall order, but try, because it benefits you and the other person.)