Current state of my studio: messy but a happy place.
Current state of my life: a happy place that is also messy.
So often on social media we see the beauty: well-lit pictures, perfect smiles, and lives that look neat and organized. But the reality is that life is messy, but that’s okay. It is uncertain, filled with deadlines, putting yourself out there, times where you are uncomfortable and times where you are surrounded by love.
The other night I had dinner with three lovelies from grade school. (Hello, you sweet, dear women!) And it was both wonderful and uncomfortable for me. The uncomfortable feelings had nothing to do with them but because it is so very difficult for me to be reminded of or talk about the past. Especially in the way of details and moments. It’s hard to explain it all. I don’t have good stories from then. It’s not like one or two bad events that I focus on, it’s the whole thing.
Back then, I was “hiding in plain sight.” I kept up the secrets and pretended all was well. I got good grades. I kept to myself but was social enough where no one would think anything was amiss. And yet… I didn’t have a life filled with dances or parties or even normal friendships. Every day I wondered why I was born. In many ways, I’m still uncomfortable being with a group of people. I am introverted, have anxiety about lots of things, and feel like when I don’t have fun, positive stories to add I’d rather remain quiet.
I tell you all this because I think it’s important to recognize our imperfectness. This, too, is a blessing. And those pictures you see on social media are usually not the real, hard, messy ones but the ones that celebrate the good moments.
If you’re feeling like you’re in the midst of a mess or even looking at pieces of your life you don’t like, I’m sending out my love so you can see that all of it (the body image issues, the financial woes, the health problems, the social anxiety) all make up your unique story, and the whole of it is beautiful.