The true test for me of God’s goodness was in how I responded to pain. If I blamed him, that meant he wanted me to go through it all. If I felt it was beyond him, I denied his power. Pain is a big reason people turn their backs on God. I have felt from time to time that God didn’t like me and therefore didn’t care. But that thought is not from God. That thought is from the enemy who would have us believe that God doesn’t care.
But his world is so big and so much further beyond our realm of understanding that there is no way we can make sense of it all. We try to place our human understanding on the pain and when we do that, discouragement is bound to inch its way in. We cannot understand it all, and that is perhaps the way it should be. If we could understand it all, it might be our way. Instead, it is all God.
When I look at my pain now, I see that God was there. No, I don’t know the reason why I experienced certain things, or even if there was a reason. But I know that in the pain, even in every scar, God was there pulling me through it. More than that, he created a purpose in me, one that is about encouraging people to heal and move away from the pain. Nothing is wasted in God’s world. He can work with anything and very often it is the thing that you least want to recognize which somehow brings him glory. In his glory, you can feel his love and your purpose. And there is no better feeling.
The following video is close to my heart. It illustrates my poem, “Kiss That Scar.”