Do you ever find yourself saying that sometimes? “God, I… just… can’t.” The younger me (and sometimes, even the current me) prays that with a sense of defeat. This sentiment would come at times when:
- I was working for people who didn’t appreciate me, so I felt sadness ruling my heart
- I would dread dealing with difficult people
- I would be so tired I couldn’t even think and yet I had volunteered for a worthy cause that I now wished I hadn’t signed up for
- I had a big day ahead of me and wouldn’t you know it, didn’t sleep
There is so much about life that energizes me. I have found ways to recharge my spirit in things like poetry and art, and I have finally embraced a way of working that incorporates my soul’s desire. I feel energized working on certain things.
But life isn’t all about doing the things we love. Cleaning? I love the end result. I’m known as a neat freak, except that the truth is before I clean I usually have a moment of, “Ugh, wish I had a cleaning person to do this for me!”
Being a freelance writer was rewarding, but let’s face it, some clients are more fun to work with than others. Being an artist is great, but there are aspects of this job that give me the “ugh” feeling, too. Recently I had a huge day at a craft fair where I would be working for long hours and I woke up tired and feeling that I wouldn’t make it through the day. I struggle with this more and more now. And the truth is, for these events I need help.
When I was younger I worked in marketing and could put up a trade show booth by myself, lug all the materials inside, and stand there for hours and hours on my feet (and in heels!) and somehow I’d make it through. Not so these days! And so I need help, from my friends and family and especially God.
In all these times, I have to admit to God that “I just can’t.” My spirit is low. My body is in need of rest. For whatever reason, I can’t do it…
But then I remember, I’m not supposed to be able to do it all. God wants me to lean on him. He gives me a renewed spirit and sends me helpers. He makes sure I get what I need because he already knows I won’t be able to do it all myself.
Now, my prayer is:
“God, I can’t. Help me find the physical strength to get through this. Give me a renewed spirit to tackle this. Help me to figure out the way because I am too exhausted to get this right on my own.”
When I was younger, asking for help was a sign of defeat for me. I hated doing it. Now, I know that I have to. I still don’t love it (my human stubbornness at work) but I know it is necessary for me to acknowledge my shortcomings so I can remember the role that God plays in my life all the time. That even when I feel good, God is the one providing the capable body or strong mind. When I feel like I have wisdom, it is because God has schooled me all these years. He says no to my prayers sometimes as a way to help, also.
Now, I understand that I am nothing without God, so I am quicker to ask him for help, and also accept the help he sends me, whether it is rest, a helper, a change in attiude, or even a gentle “no” when I ask for something I think I want but that he tells me is not good for me. In all of it, I am glad I have him to go to, and when “I can’t” I know he can.
